Sunday, April 25, 2010

Movies aren't real.

I wrote this about a girl and me. I hope she finds this somehow.

They sat in the car in silence somehow wishing that what was happening hadn’t, and at least that’s what he hoped. He felt this asphyxiating choking feeling comprehending potential days ahead without her. She was the only worthwhile thing in his life and now it was ruined without a foreseeable resolution. He looked to the passenger seat, painfully aware of his tear-stained cheeks and saw that she was still there sitting quietly, the wordless silence still resonating. She was unemotional but that didn’t bother him because he knew she cared, but that she’d turned off her emotions to better be able to process what he said to her.

It had been a long 24 hours leading up to that point and the current tensions arose from numerous defining moments from the day before and it unavoidably seemed that the only reasonable outlet to release that tension would be for things to blow up the way they had. The fight they had had, had become a defining moment in their relationship or maybe it was just the assignment of importance to random occurrences of nothingness as had already been mused on. He could not decide and refused to permit any sort of resolution of the dissonance he felt in his mind as he desperately sought to avoid finality where a potential outcome might involve her no longer being a part of his life.

The headlights of the passing car shone behind the tall grass and the light flared enigmatically and provided the perfect juxtaposing background behind her silhouette. In his mind for a moment this was the dramatic scene of resolution in the post-modern love story, where the protagonist realizes and accepts that resolution can never be achieved and resigns themselves to inevitability of defeat but also commits beyond all reason to pursue the new-found love beyond all else.

After he had processed that notion he stopped and tried to hold her gaze, which desperately looked to escape his. He kissed her mouth in defiance of that with only his lips and momentarily paused to hear the tinny vibrations of sound emanating from her headphones, which provided a theatrical soundtrack to the scene – it was beautiful and wonderful without any sort of pretension and was a real and genuine moment that would be able to be revisited in retrospect years later.

There’s no time to go
Through the designs we know
Never mind although
Maybe this time we’ll grow

Feeling better qualified to understand his own feelings he wrote brief sentences which were purposed to immortalize what transpired the evening before and hoped that if these words were shown to her she would better understand how he feels about her.

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